Deciding to end a marriage is never easy. In most cases, before coming to the conclusion that a divorce is imminent, most couples try for consecutive years or month to make things work and to settle their differences. But, even if you think that there’s no more hope left for your marriage, there are still some questions you should ask yourself before filing for divorce. Most importantly, though, you should be 100 percent honest with yourself when answering them.
- What was it that made you fall in love in the first place?
Relationship counselors advise couples that are thinking of divorce to re-analyze what made them fall in love with each other. This is fundamental, as it allows you to determine what triggered the problems you’re dealing with today. In fact, most couples that chose to reflect on this usually decide to give their relationship another try. That’s because trying to reflect objectively on the past could show you that each of you had his/her share of blame.
- What are the things you can actually change?
Many a times, you might want to change things that aren’t in your control. Take the time to look at the things that bother you in your relationship. Is it really up to you to change them? Or, better said, can you do something in this respect? Otherwise, you’re in for a lot of disappointments.
For example, if the things that bring you sadness are due to your partner, you should acknowledge that there is nothing you can do to change him/her. Only we can decide to change ourselves; we cannot attempt to change others. Therefore, unless your partner is up to change, there is nothing you can do in this respect.
- Is getting a divorce something you’ll regret?
Living with regret is the recipe for depression. This is why you should try to anticipate your life five years from now. Is getting a divorce something you’re bound to regret doing? Or, on the opposite side, will you feel relieved and free? Trying to answer this simple question can be mind-opening to many people – this is something every divorce lawyer acknowledges.
- How will getting divorced impact the children?
This question is viable only in the case with families with children, of course – but it is a critical consideration, as a divorce affects children as much as it affects you. Irrespective of how smooth you want to make the transition for them, this is something that will mark them for life. Research actually points that children do better, emotionally, if the parents are together – even if they aren’t happily married, than divorced.
- Why aren’t you counseling?
Even if the divorce rates are significantly high, it’s only a small percentage of couples that consider counseling. Getting professional advice from a counselor could be really helpful, depending on the severity of your problems.
To conclude, these questions are definitely worth considering if you’re thinking about getting divorced. Essentially, you should be at peace with this decision, and acknowledge what it entails.
